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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck
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A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

George Bernard Shaw
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A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Bob Hope
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A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

Kevin Nealon
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A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra
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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

Claude Pepper
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Turner
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Jerry Seinfeld
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Bill Cosby
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